The Cycle of Abuse

For many couples, violent incidents follow a predictable pattern. Abuse or violence is an intentional act used to gain control over another person. Physical abuse supports other kinds of violence; it is only one part of a whole system of abusive tactics.

Phase 1: TENSION-BUILDING is a time of minor conflicts when threats of violence may increase. This phase may last from a few hours to many months.

Phase 2: VIOLENCE erupts as the abuser throws objects at his or her partner, hits, slaps, kicks, chokes, abuses him or her sexually, or uses weapons. Once the attack starts, there is little the victim can do to stop it; there generally are no witnesses.

Phase 3: A PERIOD OF REMORSE may follow. This is often called the "honeymoon" phase. The abuser may apologize, often excessively, and may express guilt or shame. Many abusers will buy gifts, flowers, etc. so the victim will forgive the abuse. Oftentimes the abuser will promise to go into treatment voluntarily, that the violence will never occur again, and that he or she will "change."

Phase 4: PHASE 1 starts all over again. However, the next time the assault occurs, chances are it will be more severe.

Nonviolent behavior is possible through a more balanced relationship.

The first step in breaking a violent pattern is to tell someone. You may call us anonymously at (801) 444-9161 just to talk, or you may want to visit with a caseworker in person for a longer conversation. Services are available to anyone in an abusive relationship.

The second step in breaking a violent pattern is to ensure your safety. You need to recognize the signs of impending danger so you can get out of a violent situation before it occurs. To learn more about a safety plan, click here.